Why Can't People Have a Good Conversation in the 21st Century?ed
- Oct 24, 2017
- 3 min read
This is very controversial question that comes up frequently in my coaching sessions with clients that are dating or in a relationship, along with my students in psychology courses. Just this week, I had the opportunity to teach and begin a conversation on “Interpersonal Communication.”
The discussion addressed technology & social media; its role in why a large number of individuals may not be able to hold a conversation face-to-face or over the phone.
To further the conversation, I want to include this topic in this weeks newsletter to highlight some important TIPS on how you can learn how to effectively communicate to and with others as it relates to the use of technology.
Barriers of Technology:
A lot of people use technology as a means to get to know one another on an intimate level without having the capacity or ability to hold a verbal conversation face-to-face or over the phone.
The use of technology has offered individuals the ability to stray away from learning how to communicate with others, learn social cues and respond appropriately to conflict. Instead individuals use emoji's to capture their emotional response.
The increasing utilization of technology has caused barriers in the workplace & school due to individuals using acronyms and text message short-hand so often, that they use the same terminology when sending work emails or writing a school paper.
Instead of individuals learning how to utilize conflict resolution skills to communicate their thoughts or emotions to their partner, they have selected to send a lengthy text message or email. However the true message is often not read or misinterpreted due to the use of Caps, Bold Words, Utilizing certain Colors to express themselves and the use of multiple Emojis.
How to Use Technology Appropriately:
If there is a message that needs to be transcended to a person by the use of technology, be sure to use the following steps to help begin a conversation:
(1) Recognize your emotions and thoughts related to the message you just received from the other person.
(2) If negative feelings are present, take a moment to breathe, think about the true message you want to deliver and write it out on a note pad or in your phone’s note pad. Do not send!
(3) Turn over the notepad and walk away for 15-30 minutes to cool down. If you want tips to help “cool down,” check out my “5 Steps to Control Your Irritability.”
(4) Return to the message, read it aloud and ask yourself, “How will this message read to the other person?” “How might they respond?” “Is my message clear?” “Do I have emotions within the message that will deter the message I truly want to send?”
(5) Rewrite the message based on your responses above and send it to the other person. However, if you want to Level up to a Mature Conversation, Call the person and express your message over the phone or face to face. If you having a hard time rewriting the message, read "3 Tips to giving your Partner Space" to really think about your message.
More Tips will be shared in other Blog post. I hope you have enjoyed these tips and plan to use them if needed. Also, share the tips with others. They are very useful and come up more often that we would think.
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