3 Tips to giving your Partner SPACE in a healthy way

Sometimes men and women do not realize the actions they take to "Nag" their partner and often disregard their need for Space! To give you an idea of how Important space is, I will give you a vignette to apply it to! Scenario: John and Nancy have just moved into their first apartment together. They have discussed expectations such as household chores. Today, as Nancy leaves for work, she asks John to help her with what she usually does, "wash dishes." She tells him she will have to stay at work late so "can he help her?" John says "Of Course!"

SURPRISE! Nancy comes home exhausted to see the same stack of dished as when she left home this morning. Below are 3 TIPS of the "Should VS Should Nots." TIP #1 Should NOT: Immediately begin yelling at John.

Should: Use a calm voice tone and inquire about why the dishes are not washed.

Rationale: You do not want to assume that your partner ignored or forgot about the agreement. Maybe something else came up for them as well. TIP #2 Should NOT: John Should not Immediately walk away because Nancy is mad. Nancy should not block John From Exiting if he needs some space.

Should: John, if upset at Nancy's approach, should tell her that he needs some space or will take a step outside for a few minutes and then come back and finish the conversation for it to be productive. Nancy has to let him have his space.

Rationale: You don't want to walk away automatically when emotions are on the line. You want to communicate with your partner your needs to have space and how they can help you. TIP #3 Should NOT: John should not leave for a long extended period of time, such as 3 hours on his "space or break."

Should: John should come back within 15 minutes or so. Nancy should give him his space and not ask multiple Questions.

Catch 22 Rule: John, if you don't come back, Nancy has the right to find you and talk again. Nancy you should use John's break to deescalate yourself as well.

Rationale: The goal is to decrease negative emotions and thoughts. Come back to one another to communicate the real concern versus your message becoming lost in emotions. Question: What has been your issue with giving or receiving space from your partner in the heat of the moment? Sincerely,

Doctor TK

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